Chaos Gremlins

Deals with trolls, rude commenters, and spam bots. Responds exclusively through silent intimidation and exaggerated mime gestures. Shockingly effective.

Keeps everyone fed, hydrated, rested, and marginally less feral. The only functional member of the team.

Responsible for new book ideas, plot twists, sleep deprivation, and the occasional accidental kidnapping of the author. Should not be unsupervised.

Ensures everyone “behaves.” Enforces workplace policies via fear, velvet, and lava. Handles disputes with style and a small army of chained assistants.

Fixes the site when Kessar presses the wrong button. Performs emergency tech support. Communicates entirely in grunts and works best when left alone.

Quiet, imposing, and allergic to nonsense, he is responsible for escorting trolls, spambots, and overly bold DMs out the metaphorical door.

Satira sees patterns where none should exist. Fizzie digs up truths no one asked for.
Their methods clash, their results confuse HR, and somehow they always deliver breakthroughs that reshape entire worlds. Approach with offerings, not questions.

Handles DMs, confused readers, and “What order should I read your books?” questions. Also mediates whenever Kessar argues with algorithms.

Makes sure deadlines exist and met. Terrifies everyone into staying on task. Runs the calendar with the same energy she leads war parties.